My 2014 Lovelife ♥

2014 is a few days away and I don't even know why I'm stoked about it so much. But since this is more of a love blog than a life blog (HAHAHAHAHA) I'll be talking about how I actually plan on managing my love life next year. I wont be managing it at all. I plan on leaving it all to God's hands. I should've - a long time ago. I should've gone with my mom's advices. I should've taken time - more time into considering what my heart desires or what my heart really needs.

2013's leaving and I've no regrets about it. As far as I'm concerned - I just hope and pray for the best for that person I've by far loved the most for a really long time. This blog's too consumed with my thoughts about him, and next year I can't even promise if I wont be mentioning him anymore. But really, I've moved on. Sounds defensive but I need not explain further hahaha.

With regards to matters of my heart - it's a bit heartbroken because there's this human I really like a lot - like a lot a LOT - but since things are just too complicated no matter how perfect it can even seem - I just really have to let him go. It's hard - I swear. But I strongly believe that I'll get by and this'll be easier in time. :) I mean, if God wills it - He'll most definitely help me through it. PUSH!! Hahahaha.

I don't think I'm into dating anyone - anytime soon. And soon means - anytime next year. Hahahaha. Or the year after that. But I really can't say for 2015 - but I'm pretty sure about 2014. 

This time, it's not really just about me running away and just scared of getting hurt again or falling for the wrong guy who'll most probably eventually not be that sure about me in the long run (again) - it's much more than that.

I probably used to say that I'm ready to be in a relationship again - I'm probably not ... ? Because if I were - isn't it I should be like "Come on love, I'm so ready to take you on again." HAHAHAHAHA which - is not even the case right now. I'm more like "Love, you can wait. Right now, I don't really got time for you." HAHAHAHA geez I should've had this way of thinking back in college so I could've focused on my studies more. HAHAHAHA but ohhhhwell. :))

I am a busy bee - and I can't wait to get more busy! I should spend this time being single saving up for my future!! Time is so short UGH. But seriously speaking - I'm like "Projects, come at me. Come to mama. Please." HAHAHAHA yes with a "please" because I DO want more projects. If I don't have enough by March, I seriously am considering employment (but the slightest chance about that HAHAHAHA). If I'd ever get employed - damn I can't be picky but am I even to blame? I don't think I'm gonna settle for a 20k monthly pay. (whoops) NOT unless that's by being a flight attendant - which should probably pay much more (right?:o). Companies can't blame me for demanding a higher pay - they damn should've considered hiring me while I still wanted to be employed so bad. I'm really sorry if I believe that I DESERVE a better pay now if I WOULD be employed. I hate routine - and if I'm gonna sit all day and follow orders from someone I have to try and put up with just because he/she is in a higher rank - the pay should most definitely suit me well. But if I'm getting paid so low to practice patience - man that's such a waste of time because seriously - I can practice patience in many other ways and if it's dealing with other people - freelancers deal with a lot of different people too - jsyk.

I promise to blog about my view on employment and why I'm proud about freelancing some other time.

Back to my lovelife - I used to be love-aholic HAHAHAHA but 2014 I think it's time to be workaholic. Woot woot. It's a year for growth! Spiritually, mentally, and physically! So so so many plans for 2014. And I really believe things will be turning out better next year. :)

But yeah. Nothing else romantic happening next year besides a much sweeter and stronger relationship with God.♥

Time for late breakfast!

Ciao♥ :)

Rather Than Being Envious ♥

I'd much more say that I am inspired. Inspired by these couples so much that I'm like "Someday, someday, I'll find my perfect match too." :)

I see couples on Instagram - complete strangers they are to me - and yet they don't know that they have the power to make me smile. I love how when I look at a couple - I just know and feel how in love they are with each other. The love and all that positive energy from the two of them - just radiates and it really shows.

When I looked back at my album before (the one I had of me and my ex), I just realized so many things. I realized how true feelings are and were. Like - how when I look at our past photos - I could just see how badly in love I was with him before - and it showed. And sad enough to say ... it barely showed in his eyes. (Because he had no eyes. HA HA jk) But seriously .. I'm not being bitter right now ... it's just quite sad that - hey, those photos had really great memories! But at the same time - for me to look back at them now ... I just don't see how feelings were going both ways. Ya feel me? Hahahaha. Anyhoo. This isn't about me and my ex. It's really about ... how other couples make me dreamy about my future relationship. :)

I mean - it really excites me so much whenever I realize that God has so much in store for me! REALLY. I'm so stoked! I could just imagine how we'd probably be perfect for each other.

Someday soon, we too will have our foodventures!! Lots and lots and lots of them. :D And we'll share our love with the world by posting photos too! But I've thought about it - and this time, lesser couple selfies!! HAHAHAHA more on shots of us both which still include style and art into it.

I enjoy blogging about this so much. I just have this smile on my face. :) This huge smile I get whenever I daydream about the guy I'm gonna end up with.

Woot woo! We gon travel the world and take thousands of photographs!!

I ... I just can't wait. :)

KKK have another post up! Brb :)

For Three Months ♥

I don't even know how to begin writing this. Probably on Christmas eve, I'll actually write more about it. But I want this feeling and thought on my blog.

I've been such a happy kid. God has made me nothing but happy and grateful about life recently. With the struggles and problems and all - I can't seem to not be thankful for how I've been doing lately. This is gonna be a quick post because I've got to be out of the house in less than an hour.

Hmm.

This feeling. This genuine happiness. Caused by a number of people. Plus one more to be specific. God, this is so surreal.

This person makes me feel like Christmas eve. And I think I've told him that already. This thing. That we have. Though it's still indescribable ... I'm really happy about it.

Whenever I'm stressed out over something - I just think about him then poof - my head cools down. Hahahaha.

No, we're not together. No, I'm not in love.

But yes, I'm happy. I'm very very happy.

Please remind me to make more time for blogging and praying!!! There's so much to blog about - but really - I've just been soooo busy. Haven't had the time to slack off anymore. If I'm snoozing, it just means I really need that extra sleep. Hahahahahahaha. Hashtag excuses.

Okok. I should stop now. And try to wipe the smile off of my face.

Ciao x :p 

Hi. I'm Sarah. 2.0

I've been thinking of introducing myself again. And before I decided to finally start on this post - I remembered how I once wrote one before! Lo and behold - Hi. I'm Sarah. - an extremely stupid entry I wrote 3 years ago =)) I mean seriously. Shut the fuck up =))

I've just realized how I've changed - A LOT!! 3 years back? Damn I sounded like a huge kid. And it's really as if my view on love was just so - I don't really know how to describe it. But it seemed like a kid's view on love? The type of love that hasn't woken up yet - the type that hasn't seen the reality of everything else yet.

It's so funny how in the latter part I said I know I'd meet him soon. True enough - I did meet the guy in less than a month after I posted that entry. It's so hilarious, really. How I've always been that girl who was head over heals in love WITH love itself.

I just can't believe how I sounded like a thirteen year old girl back then. Anyway. I wonder how I'd look back at this one though.

Okay let's start over.

Hi. I'm Sarah. I'm currently 21 years old. I'll be turning 22 on the 30th of January 2014. I'm stoked, really. And hopefully my birthday next year wont be as sad as it usually has been. I don't know what happens to me during my birthdays. At first, I'll be so excited about it. And then just before the clock strikes 12 - I get upset as fuck and I just want the day to pass by super fast. Weird. I know.

I no longer love the color orange. And this still surprises the people who've known me for a pretty long time already. I'm currently in love with pink. Hot pink to be exact. Also with navy blue, teal, and gray. Well I think it's really just the first three. But it just so happens that majority of my wardrobe is color gray. I've been thinking lately and I honestly just want all my clothes to be in the shade of black, white, and gray. Please. Don't bother correcting me with what a shade is, what a color is, and what a hue is. Kthanks.

I took a personality test the other day. And results were freakishly correct. Except for that part wherein people of my personality are insensitive. I AM MORE than sensitive. And I am HIGHLY emotional. I don't know what it was I answered that gave the impression that I had that kind of trait. HAHAHAHA. Anyhoo. I'm apparently an INTP.

This time, this isn't a letter addressed to my future husband. No no no. This is really just for me. So I can keep track of my thoughts. And how I actually view myself.

What else, what else.

It's funny how it's not really that I don't have anything to say about myself anymore. It's just amusing that this time - I analyze stuff first in my mind before really blurting them out. Even in my blog. I suppose back then I just fired away.

The basics would probably be my age. And um. Right now I'm a freelancer. But I'm currently considering employment again - but it's something I'm still gonna consider till next year March. I currently have a project I'm really stoked about - and till that one's over - my career plans are on hold.

I think it's amazing how I have so many plans for my life. Though I'm the type who's spontaneous and adventurous - I'm still also the type who has lots and lots of dreams. I mean - though I don't really plan how my day should turn out - I'm the type who knows what she wants. I'm a bit drowsy already but I'm gonna try to finish this as clear as possible. Hahahaha.

I mean. I think that's better than not knowing what I want. I know what I want - and the reasons why I want those things I want. I believe I'm not a shallow person. And I believe that there are great things awaiting to happen - in my life.

I'd love to discuss with you my views on work and how I deal with it at the moment - but that would take too long.

I still am and will forever have that childlike heart of mine who will always love cartoons. And taking naps. Long ones. And playing games - no matter how childish they may be. I'm still that little girl who has those times wherein I only find comfort in hugging my mom or hearing her voice. I'm still that little girl who'll always be curious. About life and how the world goes on about it. I'm still the little girl who'll always believe in Neverland - and whatever other things Neverland could really mean to me personally.

I am God's little princess, and I deserve nothing but the best. I've grown up to everyday learn and know my worth. And it's not for me to just settle for anything less. I've grown up to know that I should set standards and really live by it. And by setting standards - I should also build myself as worthy as can be too.

I've come to a point wherein I'm again always in thirst for knowledge about God and His teachings. It's weird and good at the same time wherein nowadays - I try to finish reading my other books - but end up reading inspirational/God-centered ones. Like right now - I still haven't finished reading Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk. I love Palahniuk - like I really really do. But Joshua Harris has been really stealing my attention. The moment I finished reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I went back to bringing Haunted with me wherever I'd go. But I end up coming home from somewhere and realize I dint touch the book the entire day. But when I bring Dug Down Deep with me - I read it anywhere. I read it in the bus, while waiting in line, in the bank - I mean seriously. What is happening. Hahahahaha but I promise to finish Haunted after this one. ;) It's just that - I wanna be that kind of person who can always quote a bible verse and know what she's talking about - and is able to live her life accordingly. ;)

I finally know what specific genre of music I'm really really into. I used to be so confused with what my genre would be - and now I finally know! Indie rock. I'm currently into Smallpools, Vampire Weekend, Kodaline, Phoenix, Passion Pit, Lorde, Sigur Ros, Panama Wedding, The Colourist, The Neighborhood - and so much more. But of course the classics/oldies will never ever get old for me. <3 I'll always love The Carpenters, The Beatles, Air Supply, Bon Jovi, Queen, etc etc etc etc. And the 90's too. Of course. I'll always sing along to Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, A1, Boyz II Men - and the like.

I love bookstores. Libraries. Coffee shops. Japan Home stores. And toy stores. And I'm thinking supermarkets too will always be heavenly. I'd like to make mention of Rustan's. I love how classy everything looks!!! Ohh the packaging of their goods - I just love them. Classy and minimalistic. Looks much yummier. If I get lost - these are the places you could try to look for me at. Probably Fully Booked at BGC or or Fully Booked in ATC. Hobbes and Landes too. Toy Kingdom - not so anymore since all I can do with the toys are fucking look at them -_- Hobbes and Landes allows you to play inside the store! Lovely lovely feeling. <3 OH OH OH - AMUSEMENT PARKS. I love amusement parks. But I really wish they had that much of a carnival type feeling the movies are able to give me. Someday, if I get really really rich, I'll have all of these! For bookstores/libraries, I'll have weekly story tellings, puppet shows, and book trades <3 Maybe this is where I could hold a Sunday school too. For kids who want to learn how to read - and then I'll also teach them all the things I know about Jesus. :) A toystore wherein kids could come in and play - as long as they know how to take good care of the toys. It'll be just like that of Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. :) And then an amusement park wherein there'll be a twice a month open to everyone kind of event. All rides will be for free! :)

Besides these - I'll put up a restaurant/cafe someday. :) And it'll be incredible.

I wanna travel. Get a tattoo or two. And finally have the courage to wear contact lenses.

With regards to my awesome love life - I'm in no rush at all into meeting anyone who'd supposedly sweep me off my feet. That time will come. As of the moment, I have a lot of people I truly deeply cherish so much too much and they just make me so much happy. Come to think of it - I don't think I even do "need" a guy in my life right now. Not yet. If ever I would - I'd want to be with someone who's willing to accept that he cannot be my center of attention. I have so much to be busy with right now - and I just don't think there's someone who could be cool with the things I've set as my priorities just yet. If he can wait - then good. But I wouldn't want any guy to put his life on hold for me - instead - I'd much more appreciate if he'd focus on other things at the moment too. And we can pursue each other in the future. Hahahahahahajk but seriously speaking. What.

I've blogged already about the things I want in a guy. But these are the top 3 qualities I'd want in him. First is that he is a man of God. I wouldn't mind coming in 2nd or 3rd in his life if it's God who comes first and his mom comes 2nd. Second is that he is a family man. He's got good family ties and has a clear understanding of how we should get along with how we would raise a family together. Our values - no matter what our differences may be - be it about our culture or something else - our values should be as one. Third would be his faithfulness. His faithfulness towards me and our relationship together would automatically include trust and love. He is to be honest with me at all times and love me enough that he'd never dare do anything to break my heart. I want to have a relationship that's grounded and centered on God. That's all that really matters. And I believe that when I find him and he finds me - this time. Without a doubt. It'll be beyond perfect. All these - I leave in God's loving hands. ;)

What else. What else. What else is a must know about me that I'd wanna know years from now. Hmm. Hmm. I think that this'll do for now. Maybe if something comes up I'll have a follow up and entitle it with Hi. I'm Sarah. 2.1. ehe he he.

Ciao x :p

Held Responsible ♥

I think only a few people know much about our family. I don't really blog much about them. And only the closest to me are able to have a glimpse of how my family really is (when it comes to family problems I guess).

Most people think/assume that we have the best family. At least that's what stuck in my mind when I shared for the first time in a recollection I was in back in high school. I opened up and shared a bit of our troubles. Be more amazed if a family doesn't have any problems. In my case, they were surprised to hear that we had struggles as a family too.

I grew up in a very open family. We were all raised in a way that we can be open to each other and freely express ourselves. If there's a problem with one another - we discuss things and try to resolve our issues and not just shrug it off and act as though there's nothing wrong. Sorry to say but I think that's how other families deal with their problems - we on the other hand were raised to always be concerned with each other's lives. (I'm just stating my observations and this is my own opinion so I hope other families do not take offense in this since I know we all live and relate with each other differently and how you guys deal with your own families are really not that much of my business to meddle with or intrude enough to state how families should be run). 

We were raised to always give respect to elders wherein we should always bless (hold an older person's hand and put it on our forehead or in Tagalog, magmano) and say po and opo. In the family, I call my older sister ate and my older brothers kuya. I don't know why but within our family itself - we don't really say po and opo to our parents. (Not that we're disrespectful to them or anything like that)

When I was growing up, I can remember how we'd always be the family who'd be called to offer in church. This was mainly because (I think) we were always dressed for Sunday mass. My dad and brothers wore polo shirts and my mom, sister, and I would be in dresses. We often looked so prim and proper (probably like those families in CLVE books hahahaha). Back then, I felt kind of famous as though our family was the star for that mass (besides Jesus Christ haha) because we were "the chosen ones" to offer and walk down the aisle. Funny, really.

Everything was perfect. How we'd regularly pray as a family after dinner and having our own customs when it came to greeting each other and saying our prayer before meals. Whenever we'd kiss each other goodbye, we'd put a cross on the each other's forehead - as to say God bless you. And for our prayer before meals, it goes like this - "Bless us oh Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen. May the less fortunate be blessed, amen." That was the part that my parents have added to our prayer. And upto this day it's really been a part of how I pray my prayer before meals. During the holy communion, we'd all line up by age. The youngest in front, but though my mom is older than daddy by two years, daddy stays at the back of us all. We all wait for each other to finish with our own personal prayers before the family lines up. We never lined up individually. Even when it meant there'd be times we'd sit apart because the church is full - we'd wait for each other - line up all together - and then after the communion just return to the seats we were from. And even during "peace be with you" parts, we'd go to wherever the other is to kiss and give peace. This is how our family was (with regards to our practices in alignment to religion and faith I think).

But not many knew of our problems. We too have struggles we have to go through as a family. My mom would always tell me that you never give up on family. No matter how difficult things get - you never give up on family. We're all grown up now and obviously have different journeys. Yet no matter how complicated and frustrating things may be - we DO have a choice to just live separate lives and not give a damn about the other - but I don't think that that's how we were raised and I much more don't think that's how God intends for us to live our lives. So NO - no giving up.

We reside in Manila. The southern part of it more specifically. And when typhoon Yolanda hit the Philippines, we weren't that much affected. If even in terms of damages made by the typhoon - we have none. The Visayas region though are gravely affected. And I just can't help but feel so helpless when I watch the news. The thing I feel so helpless about isn't the material things I could offer to help them get back on their feet - but the fact that there is nothing I could do much about the emotional pain they must be going through. To have not just lost their homes ... but for others who have also lost their loved ones. The least I could do is pray for them that they get through this - holding onto God and believe that He is bigger than this huge huge tragedy.

Surprisingly enough - our family too had our own version of a typhoon. I need not tell you what it is about - but it's been really hard to keep my head up and not cry or feel my heart ache whenever the thought of the matter slips my mind. It's true though - that we need to stay strong because sometimes it's really the only choice we have left to do and be. All I ask is that people would include my family in their prayers as well. I don't blog these things because I seek for pity - I seek prayers and faith that we could get through this and still come out of this just stronger as one family.

We go through a lot. And I will always be eternally grateful to all those people who have endlessly helped my parents - my family - to get through certain difficulties. I am so thankful for these people who aren't really obliged to help us but they actually do - just because they have huge hearts. I'm amazed even with the people who don't really have much to offer - but still lend a helping hand. These are the times I feel really beyond blessed that people like these exist. I don't know why you people are helping my family out whenever we are in times of trouble - may it be because my parents have been good to you as well and you feel grateful or it is just because you have genuine concern and love for us too - whichever or whatever reasons you may have - I am very very much thankful. We are eternally grateful. Sometimes it would also surprise you how those who aren't even related to you would give more love and support than those you share the same bloodline with. May God continue to bless you people and your respective families.

Now I've mentioned the typhoon and our own version of it - it was this morning that I was reminded of what my mom would also often tell me. I googled it to recall the exact words and apparently it's from the Bible. It was taken from Luke 12:48.

It says 

"But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."

My mom reminds me this whenever I share with her my frustrations within the family and other people in my life. In my case right now, I claim that I must have been given more understanding, more patience, and hopefully a bit more wisdom to know how life goes and how I should handle it. I know I've yet to learn more - but I'm thankful enough to have people in my life who constantly remind me of God's words. For I am given more of these - much more of it will be required. God doesn't really put us in situations He knows we cannot handle. If there is something we should always have - it's faith in Him. As the old saying goes - if God brings you to it, He'll see you through it. He knows that you are capable of getting through such challenge - He believes in you so much - which means you must take that trust He has in you and use it wisely and be strong enough and bare with what He has put you through.

For those who are gravely affected by the typhoon - it must've been because God knew that these people are strong enough to withstand such difficulties no matter what. So please hold on. I honestly cannot imagine how I would ever handle the situation the Visayans are going through right now - I mean if I were in their position - I cannot imagine how I would get through it. I salute you people for not giving up on life because there really is a silver lining to this - and we have to continue to fight our battles long enough to see that silver lining. Kapit, Pilipino. Diba, tiwala lang? :')

Whoever you are and may be - who comes across and takes time to read this post of mine - I'm pretty sure you have struggles of your own too. We all do, really. Which is why we should all be kind to one another because we are all fighting different battles. If you are in a situation right now wherein you find it so hard to get through - just keep reminding yourself of Luke 12:48. You were given that much - because He requires you to do much more with it. If God puts you up to a challenge - no matter how hard it may be to thank Him, still thank Him because it just means that He believes in your capabilities that much to allow that storm to come your way. Praise Him in the storm, right?

He never places us in situations we can't handle. Never. So yes. God believes we are responsible enough - to take on this task. Just stay strong. Stay strong, okay? Okay.

Visayans, and every other troubled heart - my prayers are with you.

Who's Beautiful? I am! ♥

In God's eyes. In my mom's eyes. My dad's eyes. My siblings' eyes. In my eyes (I think HAHAHA). And in someone else's eyes.♥ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAk

I'm blogging right now because I need to release this excitement in me so bad that I barely care that I'm actually gonna blog about it. WHAT.

I hope every girl in the world would always prefer to be called beautiful rather than hot or sexy. I swear. To be called beautiful is just - I don't know. So unexplainably ... heartwarming. The kind of heartwarming that also causes me to spazz so so so so so much.

Sometimes it makes me dance. Sometimes it makes me smile out of the blue. And often enough it keeps me daydreaming the whole day long.

It's of course good to already know that within yourself (which you actually should know that you ARE beautiful) - but it's just really different when someone constantly reminds you of it. It feels different when someone makes you feel as though they could see and know all of who you are and still find you beautiful.

It's like - I barely give a fuck if other people don't find me that attractive - it's like it's enough that there's this one person who finds me beautiful. And I think even with just this one person who always reminds me of it - I think that that beauty could actually glow from the inside out. And I believe that people who are in love actually do BLOOM. :) I'm not saying I'm in love - but I am saying that I'm very happy and that I am very inspired.

There's this person who - inspires me to take more photos more often - because then I'd be able to share my world - with him. The same person inspires me to search for more music and explore new ones and new old ones - and eventually fall in love with that song/those songs/tunes together. He doesn't demand that I do these things - but I do them because there's this rush of inspiration that enables me to explore more things - so that there'd be more to share. I'm glad enough that he does the same.

I'm really enjoying this journey with this person. It's something I don't really expect much of - yet it's able to really make me happy. There'd be days that we wouldn't be able to talk - and I don't even go gaga wondering why - because there's this weird comforting feeling that it's okay to be away for a while.

Ok ok. I don't wanna go on talking about this or us or him that much really. But there's this thing that just never fails to make me smile -

Know what it is? :D

How he'd always call me beautiful. Not call me beautiful as though it's my name. He'd often call me beautiful before we part ways. He'd be like "Good night beautiful :)" or "Buy buy beautiful :)" "Take care beautiful :)" AAAAAGHHHHH

PS, the "buy buy" is actually like our inside joke. That would eventually be an outside joke if I'd share it with you guys so NO and yes I am corny. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

MKAYYYYYYYY. Goodnight. :")

Another spazzspree woot woot

Ciao :p

Insert Smiley ♥

Now maybe in the near future, this'll be my very first album cover. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. #LibreLangMangarap This photo was taken last night at one of my loner spots in Cable Car Makati when I had to cover for their beer pong tournament. It was my first time to go solo! Knew no one but the one who hires me! Hahaha. I was already being kept busy and at hype by my happy thought - and my night at Cable Car wasn't that bad. Daddy waited for me and we got home almost 4am. Though I could sleep with a smile on my face already - I ended up sleeping with probably a huger smile. HAHAHAHAHAHAhaynakotalaga. K.

I've been thinking about it lately. Well actually, I already have a lot of drafts regarding this specific happy thought of mine. I like that it's a secret. I like that it's that private. I like that it's only known by those closest to my heart. I like it a lot. TEEHEE.

I'm a bit scared that if I do blog about it - I might lose it. But nah. God doesn't work that way. Hihihihi. Since He's the God who gives, I should acknowledge that He's also a God who takes. Which means I'm pretty much ready for the things that could possibly happen.

But right now, I'd just like to be very much thankful for my happy thought. I have tons of happy thoughts, really. But there's this one thought that really really places a huge smile on my face. And I am just so grateful.♥

Let's keep this post short and quite of a mystery HIHIHI.

Ciao x :p

I Miss Going Out On Dates ♥

And it's okay! :) It's perfectly fine! I've been reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye more often now. And it has indeed helped me at feeling much better. I mean, I've honestly have always had this positive outlook on love and relationships, but I've been much more enlightened when I started reading this book again.

I can't seem to finish reading it because I've got tons of other things I need to attend to. :( But soon enough, I'll be done with it too. :)

I can recall having a post back in 2011 entitled I wanna go out on a date. It was a post I made before my birthday. And back then, I can remember constantly praying to God that I really wanna have a boyfriend again already. If you'd read the post, I said "God knows my heart's desires." And he does! And early into February, I started liking this guy a lot for the reason that he was able to make me laugh like no one else. I got my heart's desires in April of that year too. Hahahahaha.

I'd like to believe that he was the answer to my prayer. A late birthday present, but still.

I've also tweeted just recently about how I fall in love with a guy and how I know that this is it.

I've realized that falling in love is something that IS IN YOUR CONTROL. Which means I can't say "uncontrollably". I could control my falling. Speed it up by feeding my emotions with more of him and slow it down by just focusing on other things and ignore all the butterflies he gives and move on with more important tasks my back then teenage life would've had. This is why I said unhesitatingly - it means I'm willing to fall deeper. It means I'm willing to actually fall for him. No holding me back and no thinking too much about what could happen next - it's fully trusting my heart and what I believe is probably God's will.

I can't always use God you know. But what I'm saying is of how I saw things back then. But now that I'd like to believe I'm much wiser (but still not wise enough) when it comes to these things and have somewhat become much closer to God again - I'd like to take more time when it comes to falling in love. Yes, still with no hesitations - but now before letting my emotions take control of me - I'll pray harder about it and fully discern it first before taking another huge leap of faith and allow myself to be fully committed to anyone.

I'll be honest and I'd tell you that I'm still super duper scared to fall in love again. Someday soon, I'll fully trust God again when it comes to this matter. I know I should - and I do trust Him right now. But I'm just being honest that there's still this huge chunk of fear of just getting hurt again. I've said it so many times before - I'm ready for this - I'm ready for commitments. The only thing I'm not ready for is being committed to someone who's not as ready as I am. Is that clear? And this is where and why we should just leave it all to God. :) Joshua Harris said that what causes fear is the lack of trust. Well I guess I do trust God - it's just hard to trust other people nowadays. It's really hard to explain. HAHAHAHA. But it's somewhat like what my parents would always tell me "We trust you. We just don't trust the people you're with." I think that sorta helps you get my point? No? Nevermind. Hahahahahahahaha.

And going back to my title - I just thought about it this morning while I was having my late breakfast that I do miss going out on a date - with a guy. I probably do miss - having a guy. That was more than 2 years that I got used to having someone again. And then lost it. I had to adjust again - but it's okay! :) It may have been the worst breakup I've ever had - but I've by far had the best aftershock ever. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

The first time I had to go through a breakup - damn it was hard! I did have friends who'd be there for me - but considering that we were all just entering college and trying to figure out our own new worlds - it was like double struggle for me. And I couldn't demand time from people whom I know had their own problems too. But this time - this time people had time. Now that we're done with college and many have new worlds again which is the workplace - we've all matured already and this time I guess most of us wanted to be able to give more time to each other because we failed to when we were busy with school. Getting back up on my feet was easier now not just because of the people who helped me get through my heartaches but I'd like to very much believe that it's because this time - I knew better than I did before. Well I should, right? I'm much older now and it would be a waste of my past years growing up if I dint heck become a stronger person bold enough to face challenges like these.

I do miss going out with a guy and meeting up with him at a mall. I used to always arrive earlier than my ex. I used to always be the one waiting. See how unhealthy my past relationship has made my view on love become? My love's become too unconditional - that I dint have any left for myself. I was thinking that I miss that feeling - of waiting for hours and somewhat get pissed off - but miss that smile I couldn't control or hide the moment I see him. In a crowd of human beings - I'd see him spot on. And from afar - the moment our eyes would meet - damn my smile and my eyes just light up. That easily. It was like he's instantly forgiven. Maybe I missed that. And it's okay. I know that this time - this next time? :) I'll have that smile I can't control because this new guy's always gonna be on time. He won't ever be late. It's an exciting thought right? :) He's something I'm really looking forward to. He's like my invisible yet existing inspiration. Hahahahahahaha. He exists! I swear to you. He's just still under construction - just like me. :)

I miss having visits! I miss doing so many things for my special someone. I really do. I don't wanna get rusty with my sweetness and thoughtfulness and spontaneity - that's why I wanted to put that gift to good use. And I'm finally for hire. Hahahahahaha.

I miss so many couple-y things. I miss shopping for my man and saving up for him. OHHH NOW I'VE FIGURED IT OUT. I know what I miss. Hahahaha!!! I MISS BEING A GIRLFRIEND!! I don't really miss HAVING A BOYFRIEND - I miss BEING  A GIRLFRIEND! Or my mind's not working right? ._. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

But I'm okay, I'm okay. :) I really love all the time I have to myself, my family, and friends right now. :) And this time, all the time I have to myself - I often spend with God too. He'll always be my boyfriend. TEEHEE.

You guys should really read I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It has really blessed me. Now I'll share it here too - what I shared on Instagram. :)

God wants us to appreciate the gifts of the present season of our lives. He wants us to learn the patience and trust necessary to wait for His perfect timing in all things, including our love lives.

When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.

"For I know the plans I have for you," God says, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). Let's live our todays for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence.

- Joshua Harris

There's this new app I'm loving right now!! It's Studio. I use it when putting text on photos. It's the best editing app by far (for me) if you're into typography with photos too. Hihihi. Get it before it decides to be for purchasing only! It's sort of like Instagram but better? Hahahaha coz it also has a community but not much people are in it yet I guess.

Oh, used Afterlight in editing this photo too. Woot woot.

Anyhoo.

That's all.

Long busy day ahead :D

Till my next love post. Hihihihihihi

Ciao x :) 

Cereals for Breakfast ♥

Come over by 7 or earlier. Bring a box of cereals. A box of milk. Wear nothing but white shirt. Khaki shorts. And sneakers. Show up before the sun rises. Give me a ring when you're already at my doorstep. I'll pick up. Still sleepy. But still sweet. "Yes, love?". "Get up. And look outside." Plus maybe some lame excuse to make me go out. I get overly excited. No longer wear my glasses. Get up. Go down my ladder. Unlock my door while trying to figure out where my other slipper is. Then run down the stairs. Open the front door. "Where are you?" I say on the phone. Then you suddenly creep out of somewhere. Holding a brown paperbag in your arms. Again, I get overly excited and ask "What's that! Is that for me???". Then you just smile and say "Good morning, love." Then you kiss me on the forehead. Then tell me "Let's have breakfast?". And I just have this huge smile on my face. Grab the paperbag. Check what's inside. Feeling like a kid on Christmas eve. I rush back inside the house. Get two bowls. Two spoons. Two glasses. Run back to our front porch. Then back to the kitchen empty handed. Grab two more glasses. Make my special Milo drink. Rush back to you. Rush back to the kitchen. Get a pitcher or water. Then back to you. And then I can't help but have a huger smile on my face coz the breakfast's all set. I sit down. And then you just look at me. And I just feel prettier than ever. Invite me to a prayer before meal. You lead. But include a cheesy thanksgiving. End the prayer. Hold my hand. And kiss it. "You look beautiful. No matter what time of day." I blush and tell you "I know." Then laugh. You don't touch your cereals yet. You don't begin because you're waiting for mine to be ready. You know I want my cereals soaked in milk. So we wait a little longer. Chat. Giggle. And then you start to browse through your phone. Play some music. And surprisingly you created a new playlist. The Breakfast Surprise. You look at me. Then ask "We're you surprised?". Then I just nod. Give you a really tight hug. And then I say "Thank you for making my day."

Fades to black.

Plays a cheesy love song.

Daydreaming's one of my most favorite hobbies. And I guess it's because of daydreams I keep that cheerful part of me alive. That part of me that will always always always be in love. :)

This is my cute thought for tonight. Funny enough - honest enough - I could imagine the whole scenario. But there was one thing I couldn't picture - who the guy was/is! Hahahahaha. Someday, someday. :) God's surely gonna introduce him and I'll be like ".____." HAHAHAHA.

Good night. :)

x

Filters. And my face.

Another selfie post! I think everyone does selfies. It's just that some prefer to keep their selfies private or all to themselves. But lookey look. Here are some of my photos wherein I really appreciated the filters a lot. Woot woot.

I do collages when I can't decide which photo to use. HAHAHAHAHA hashtag vain. Yep.

So here is how I naturally look, plus my edited photos.

I used Afterlight!!! It's one of my favorite apps for editing photos EVERRRR. Besides VCSO though. Hahahahaha.

Hmmmmwhatchasay?

For this first photo, I really was supposed to sleep already that night. I was just waiting up for someone to get back from the gym. LOL. Hahahahaha. So I sort of ended up taking selfies. And my hair looked really good that night! Which meant I really had to take a photo of myself right then and there. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ok sorry.

You guys never really have to read my blog posts yaknow. This is for me. And I'll be like "Kids, check out mama's blog. Look how I look just the same?" Okay ang kapal. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

This blog is my home. My boyfriend. My ultimate lover. Who'll always be there to listen to me. And approve of anything I'll say. Whut. Ok.

This other one was just taken today! My crappy full bangs look a whole lot better now that it has grownnnnnn. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I like it when my hair's messy. Or sort of. But I do look cute, don't I? HAHAHAHAHA omg I'm so hyper right now I might end up putting this in my drafts when I've already woken myself out of my senses. =)))))))))) I just love Afterlight's dusty filters. Awesomeballs. Pero sobrang pacute nung lower right. HAHAHAHAHA

Eto. Eto talaga yung dahilan kung bakit itatago ko rin tong post na to pagtagal. Grabe. Di talaga ako marunong magmukhang hot. =))))))) Tinatry ko talaga madalas e - pero parang dito mej feel ko mej na-pull off ko naman. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA tawang tawa ako sa sarili ko, okay. Di niyo na kelangan i-judge masyado kasi ako mismo tinatabla ko na yung sarili ko. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAkkk.

Pero ang ganda talaga nung effect pag may filter na. Diba? Tsk.

Hi, friends (close friends) na makakabasa nito. Alam ko sobra kayong tumatawa ngayon. "Ano ba yan, Sarah!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA eh. Bat ba.

Shet. Embarassing and okay at the same time. Ha, ano ulit.

Dami kong tinagalog ngayon a. Hahahahahahahahahahakbyeee

xxx

Soul's Current Playlist ♥

I've got a really really long day ahead but I've been wanting to squeeze this in before anything else. Hihi.

Imma share with you guys my current playlist on repeat! These have been my feel good songs for quite some time now. :)

They wont be in order but my number one current fave is on the bottom of the list so. Yeah. Hahahaha.

1. Dreaming by Smallpools

It's such a dreamy song. I liked the lyrics so much. With this song, I could just picture a really great night with someone awesome to spend it with. Doing weird stuff. In the street. Driving around town at a time people should be sleeping already. This is the first song of Smallpools I got to hear. And I really loved this band much more when I got to hear their other songs. Next up is ...

2. Over and Over by Smallpools

Now with this one, it sounds as though the two of you have just met - but even with the first smile, the first hello, the first chat, first laughter you two shared - you just know that you wanna be with that person. It's so cute. With this I could picture a sunny afternoon and you two just decided to hang out and leave a really boring place and get to know each other. Now the music video would probably end in a way that the two of you part ways - having such huge smiles on your faces. And you know that you just want to see each other again - and you know you'll never get enough of each other and it's just...such a feel good song.

3. What Can I Say by The Colourist

Unfortunately, this is the only video I could find on YouTube. -_-

I liked the lyrics in this one too. It's as though there's this relationship that just can't seem to work out. It's as though they know they'd be perfect for each other - things are great - but it just can't work. I don't know. I believe that everyone would eventually have that kind of feeling wherein you badly want something and you know this could be it - but it just isn't.

Now it's making me think if it's a happy song hahahahaha. But I really like it.

4. Take A Walk by Passion Pit

Now I really loved Passion Pit when I first heard their song Little Secrets. Usually when I get to hear a new song, I try to listen to another one by the band and see if they're really good. The next one I loved that was by them was probably Carried Away. But of all their songs, this one's often stuck on my mind. So upbeat yet at the same time so chill. Ya get me? Ya feel me? Hahahahaha.

5. Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood

This song's quite eargasmic for me. How it sounds plus the lyrics. It's really perfect for a sweater weather. The type you'd wanna listen to and just snuggle in bed. With someone or without, in a relationship or fuckyeah single - sounds so good. It also makes me dance so yeah. Wearing nothing but a huge sweatshirt and some high socks - and eventually spend another night with your laptop and on my part surf the internet till I fall asleep or watch a good movie. This song's just.

6. All Of The People by Panama Wedding

Ohhh this one. This one has never EVER failed to lighten up my mood. It has always made me sway and just dance to it's beat. But I loved every damn line. It's like come and runaway with me - let's spend our lives together in an RV and just travel - just come away with me. Let's stop wasting time and just seriously be together. Now. Now. Now.

And now I think we're down to my top 2. HAHAHAHA. A while ago I said I've currently got a number one fave - but I suppose this next one will always be one of my favorites as well.

7. Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros

Okay okay now. Let me explain to you why this song is by far the BEST I have ever heard. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND the words or the language at all but that's what makes it so perfect! It's like - I could just listen to it and it could know how I feel. It's in Icelandic and Hopelandic. Hopelandic is a language Sigur Ros created themselves. And everytime I listen to this it just makes me me feel lighter and at ease. I can close my eyes and just listen to this the whole day. It's like yoga for my soul. HAHAHAHAHA. No, seriously. I love this song so much. It's like that of when people talk in tongues? It's like this. You listen to it and it's as though you two can perfectly understand each other. Perfect. Perfect. The rhythm - fuck. The entire composition. Uh-mazing.

8. You Know Me by the Air Traffic Controller

This. This. This is my current number one fave!!! I think I'll be listening to it till ... I dunno. Probably forever too! Hahahahahaha. It's sooooo good! The lyrics and how it was sung - the entire composition too! But above all else - the lyrics are really just perfect. Every word. It's like they perfectly understand each other - and everything's all out there. The flaws and all their imperfections - it's all fine with either of them. And they'll try to make it work. Okay I can't fully explain it with how I really feel about the song. So I'll post the lyrics instead. HAHAHAHAHA.

But I dunno. I somewhat sound like the girl I guess. Her lines. But um, I guess I've yet to find the guy who'll know me and just. Just listen to the song mkay. Kk thanks. Hahahahaha.

You know me

You know everything about me now

My heart is in your hands, and you know you could break it

But wouldn’t you rather make me sing like this?

You know me

I try to find some good in everything

Since you came along, somehow this got easy

’cause all you wanna do is please me, my love

This could be a roller coaster

But we’re gonna make the most of it

whether on top, or we’re going down, you know me

You know me (I know you)

And how I get when I’m uncomfortable

If I’m too hot, or cold

tired, bored, or hungry

I’m fine when you’re around me, boy

And you know me

I’ve never been on time for anything

I do apologize, I know it’s such a bother

I promise to try harder for you, girl, oh I will

This is a risk worth taking

It’s love in the making

we’ve got nothing up our sleeves

We got another stand-in

I don’t think we could have planned it

Better I know, cause you know, you know me

You know me (you know me)

I work too much, I’m always on the run (honey I know it’s only just begun)

You know how hard it can be (to go on chasing something)

This could amount to nothing, when its all said and done

I think you can make me better

I’m looking ahead, but I’ll never

get anything that helps me see

that if you can be proud of me

and proud of yourself, cause you got me

But darling you know, we both know, you know me

Oh, and I’ll never hurt you darling, you know damn well

And I’ll never make you wonder if the things that I tell you ain’t the honest truth

I’ve had a lot of folks who say its hard to mean (?)

Yeah, but no one would ever know me like you know me

That was just about it. I've got eight songs on repeat. 

Off to workkkkkkkkk. Work from home. HAHAHAHAHA. No, seriously.

Ciao x :)