Project Hotstuff ♥

Yeah not really. But here's to finalizing what I really wanna do with my body. Here's the thing with me and my body - what's stopping me to actually work out and make myself look better are those times wherein I know I'm already happy with my shape. But then again, I'm so inconsistent. I didn't even work for the body I have right now. And people say I'm already so thin and all but there are still those times wherein I want a body that's better than this. And I'm SURE I can have a better one if I actually work hard on it enough to a point wherein maintaining THAT body goal is nothing but a piece of cake.

I measure my fats by my "love handles". When I can no longer feel my hip bones, that's the indication I'm getting fat.

Those are love handles and nope this aint my body and the photo aint mine.

I don't weigh myself regularly and when I know I'll just be home the whole week - I eat much more than a pig does. And I slack off like shit. Right now, my love handles are beginning to grow and I'm not happy with my tummy anymore. I want it to STAY flat - no matter how much I eat.

I was able to achieve that before - wherein you're already used to eating just this amount of food and your intestines/stomach gets used to it that they shrink and you'll easily feel bloated and tada - you're able to maintain that size.

I wanna have more shape - I really want that hourglass shape and I want my butts to be bigger coz I believe I lack butt fats :(

Girls always tell me that I'm gifted with my boobs but believe me when I tell you I DON'T LIKE HAVING BIG BOOBIES. :( I want small flat ones. The one wherein I could wear tops wherein I won't worry about my boobs showing off. Don't people know that it's a dilemma for a conservative girl like me to have boobs like these? Like, I wanna wear this and that but now - my boobs decide to wanna show some cleavage and shit so no - I can't wear it.

Sorry but that's just how I am with my body -_-

ANYWAYS. As I've said, I want a flat tummy, and hourglass shape, and bigger butts. Here are those workouts I'll be following :D

For my flat butt,

For my hourglass figure,

I'll be following this :)

And this video

And for my flat tummy,

I'll be following this :)

I'm dead serious about this goal of mine. It's a part of creating a better version of myself. YAY! Hahaha. Since I can't really control the food I eat - I should really start being organized and responsible enough to regularly exercise and live a fit and healthy lifestyle. I can't lessen my rice, sweets, and all my other favorites so I think I should really be (I seriously forgot that term UGH) blank to have the body I want.

At first I was pegging on Ellen Adarna's body for SO LONG - but realized that that was a little bit too much so I'll just keep on working on my body till I'm happy with it.

I'll probably post a before and after photo. Maybe every month I'll take a photo of myself and post them all at the end - when I've finally achieved it. HAHAHAHA. Wish me luck!

Ciao xxx 

City of Dreams ♥

Sometimes we continue certain stories in our lives because we know deep inside that if this chapter turns out well, it'll be a good story to tell.

I think the reason why I'm attracted or end up with deranged men (or should I say boys) is because I grew up with worse case scenarios and I still find the unbearable - bearable.

Whenever I listen to music, I sometimes have this mini-movie or trailer that plays in my mind and then a whole story's just made up.

Still thinking about joining Cinemalaya next year. Hopefully, my friends are still up for it.

My room is still a complete mess. I've been too caught up with Community lately and it's really addicting, you know? Something that makes me laugh really hard wherein I just can't NOT laugh even though everyone's already asleep and rooms in our house aren't soundproof.

I've decided to have this daily dose of things that make me laugh. Maybe watch Vines everyday, or Community everyday, or or what I used to do - really patiently look for funny YouTube videos. Nahhhh I'm not sad or anything - I just don't really regularly have a good laugh anymore (during the day, and on weekdays - since I'm all by myself - working on my own solo shits in life). I don't got co-workers or classmates or friends I get to joke around with or share good stories with - so yeah. I need this daily dose of laughter to create this balanced life shit what am I talking about HAHAHAHAHAHA. But you get me? I don't wanna grow up and eventually not find anything funny anymore :( I'm really a shallow person when it comes to the little things and it's pretty easy to please me and make me laugh (or maybe not) but really - I don't want to lose that side of me wherein everything and anything can be funny at one point or another.

Butter Coconut Biscuits from Nissin are my current snack addiction. You guys should try it.

City of Dreams is on repeat. Still gathering thoughts about it.

Finally got to download a decent movie burner!!! HOORAY. (So happy coz my fake Toast or rather my free download of it needs a fcking password I can't seem to provide)

Okay I think that's enough thought sharing this morning. Time for Community now. YAY :)

Ciao x

Give it a rest.

Here's a repost from my blog back in 2010. This was dated April 23, 2010. You see, it's really good that I blog a lot kahit before pa. So now, I don't need to repeat the things I've said! GREAAAAT. So hear me up, and read this :) Thanks! x

Not because I care means I still have feelings for the certain person. I no longer do. That, I'm sure of. Really.

Okay. So I got to see some posts on her wall and other stuff. And I dint feel any rush in my heart or in my mind. Nothing at all. I sometimes think some people just assume they're still not over someone just because they tend to think about them. But that's not really a matter of how often you still think about someone...but how you still feel about them.

I'd often tell people that love isn't a matter of feeling and shit. But isn't it that, when we're in love - we just know it? It's like, no words could explain what we feel - we just know it ;)

Same with falling out of it - I think. You might not understand it, but I know and feel it for sure that I no longer feel anything for him.

Honestly, it's quite irritating at times when people keep on telling you that it's okay or it's gonna be okay when ----- I AM OKAY. I mean, I really am. Why wont you guys believe me? Not everything is about him. If I react, they'd think I'm not okay. If I'd NOT react, still the same interpretation! I don't know WHAT they want. :| :( It's quite saddening as well .. to not have anyone really understand the fact that you don't need pity because WHAT THE FUCK - I'm fine. If EVER I am not, you telling me that it's gonna be okay or comforting me DOESN'T HELP at all. Just saying.

This is probably a plead. To everyone. To just believe me. Believe me when I tell you IT'S NOTHING already. I've MOVED ON. So please, just give it break. I know I loved him a LOT and a LOT of you guys were witnesses to that too. But please, I REALLY DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE. Maybe - JUST MAYBE as someone I loved so much and has become a really huge part of my life - BUT REAAAAALLY. No. Not ANYMORE. Not the way I used to and not as much as before. Practically ZERO. No more rush and no more butterflies. Thoughts, YES still. But that doesn't really matter. Okay? Please. Please LANG.

Thanks.

Here's the link to that post back in 2010.

Okay. So here's a little additional info regarding the issue.

My best friend tells me it's "impossible" that it's that fast - that I'd be able to move on.

Is it, really? I mean. I've been through this before - how long should moving on take ba? And you actually can move on much faster when you realize stuff a whole lot more. Like, you're able to understand things na and just stop questioning them. And it's really gonna make the "moving on" phase faster if I'll be honest with myself. With anyone moving on, really. And you know what makes moving on faster too? It's when you know you've already cried hard enough. It's when you know you've been through enough heartaches and pain with and because of a person. It's when you know you can't really feel anything for that person anymore. I'm no longer angry. Holding grudges would just make ME miserable while he'll be all happy and shit. So why should I stay mad? Diba? I'm okay, really.

Do I still love him? Yes, I still do. But again, it's only as a friend. As someone I have loved so much. But I no longer feel anything romantic for him. Okay? It's like all my feelings for him right now, may it be feelings of concern or whatever - they're all just because for me - I was with this person for more than two years. I loved this person and I believe that I was a part of his life that much - involved that much - to actually not find it that easy or fast to just not give a damn about him anymore. I'm concerned with his well being, I'm concerned with his studies, with his family and probably everything else about him. But it's not to the point that I'd still want to meddle with any part of his life anymore. He can do whatever he wants. It's no longer my concern if he messes up. I'm concerned - but not anymore in any position to be THAT affected with anything that happens. Am I getting myself through to you guys?

Yeah, I miss him. From time to time, that is. But not always, not anymore. And it's not the type of missing someone wherein you want that someone back. Because I am beyond sure that the person I miss is much farther from me than he is physically. It's not just about North to South anymore. But it's rather not knowing who this person is anymore. So whoever it is I miss, is honestly not gonna be back anytime soon - or anytime ever. He's a completely different person now, and I guess in some ways, so am I. Whoever it is I miss, I miss HIM who used to be with ME. He's changed a lot, and that guy aint MY John anymore. That guy? That guy aint the John I used to know. So let's all give ourselves a break and let us all move on together.

What else. Why can I say I've moved on. Hmmmmm.

I cleaned up my room a week ago. Threw out some trash and stuff I no longer need. I threw away the wrapper of my first ever bouquet of flowers and thought to myself I don't need it anymore to remind me who I got my first bouquet of flowers from since it was my first. 

I threw away receipts. I threw them away since I know I've got loads of photos from certain places we've been to or we've dined at. Keeping these would really just mean that I'm keeping a whole lot of trash.

I kept movie tickets. And I kept his love letters. And I guess for those - I'll just end up throwing away when I'm already married to someone else. It's not that I'm hoping that John and I would get back together someday - which is I honestly am not - but I should also be honest with you guys that I am open to the POSSIBILITY of such. I MAY not want him back today. I MAY feel disgusted with the thought of being with him anytime soon - but that's just me CURRENTLY. And through time, a whole lot is gonna change. He's gonna be a different person and so will I. And who knows, the world may end up still making us compatible with each other. And maybe by then - the timing's right enough for us to last "to infinity and beyond". But for now, as of the moment - let's all just get over it. I know I am.

I'm stoked for the future. I'm excited to meet whoever it is that's really meant to be with me. But I'm not in any rush at all. I'd love to enjoy this time I have right now as a single person. I'll find him and he'll find me - in God's perfect timing. And really - I'd prefer to blog about this one some other time.

And again, regarding John, please. I'm okay, guys. REALLY. I don't know how else I could stress this out - but yeaaaah. Ok? So please.

And YES, let's all be happy for him/them. :) If though you honestly think I'm not okay, offer me a prayer. HAHAHAHA. But I really am fine. I've never faked anything on this blog so ... really. Let's all move on.

Okay. I guess that's enough.

Ciao x

Doubting Forever ♥

Even when you shouldn't. Even when at all cases right now - it somewhat seems to you as though nothing else can ever last. And yes, even when you've just gotten through a breakup or are still in the process of getting over it.

I have decided to be mature enough to handle whatever situation it is I'm going through right now. And this is apparently on the way that I know of. But of course, I'm open to suggestions. Hihi.

I don't usually do this. When I first had to go through a breakup back in 2009, I totally shut myself out of social media in terms of not really blogging at all or haven't really blogged anything nice those days. When I re-read my blog posts before - I was probably the most pathetic girl there was. I pitied myself and found it stupid that I allowed myself to feel that miserable and question my self-worth just because a guy left me.

My previous blog post is probably the most negative blog post you'll ever get to read from this entire blog. That time I wrote that, I was as pissed off with myself as hell. I could just simply delete it or just keep it as a draft - but I want to keep my blog as is. I want people to know that what I share with you guys - I'm unpretentious. I'm not a completely open book though. All I'm saying is, that the things I share are things I hope could also help others out if ever they're probably going through the same shit or so. I don't know. But it's also of course my own record of thoughts I'm glad enough to share with the public.

How am I doing? I'm doing great. It's quite funny how it really is possible that feelings change in an instant. I should keep that as a reminder. Because mine did too. I mean, it's really hilarious how what happened recently was my very own "emotional calamity" HAHAHA. It was my very own "Bagyong Maring". So many feelings were "nasalanta" / washed away - in a somewhat drastic manner.

The "romantic feelings" I had left for this guy I loved so dearly was completely washed off the moment I saw his new relationship status on Facebook with his new girlfriend. At first it seemed like an awful joke and for days I found it nothing but "nakakagago / nakakaloko / nakakatawa / (sorry pero) - nakakas___". What I couldn't move on from was the thought of if he was even serious with all this. But after sometime - I believe he is.

Etcetera. Etcetera.

I don't really know if people are gonna find me the bitter ex girlfriend - but please. You guys don't even know the whole story so keep your judgements to yourselves.

(Gosh so many thoughts are cut off for the sake of respect for the ex UGHHHH)

I often wonder why my "amazing/close to perfect relationships" end abruptly. I really don't know why! Everytime I try to analyze the situation and think about it closely like where'd I ever gone wrong and all - I don't know. At least I know that in whatever relationships it is I've had in the past - I gave it my all. And that I'm proud of. I still don't know what my most recent ex boyfriend would feel years from now, but I'm hoping that he'll just grow up and eventually grow some balls and man up and admit where he's ever gone wrong. The problem with guys usually (and of course some girls too) is that they can't seem to accept the fact that they too have faults. Blah blah blah. Oh nevermind. I just really hope that in due time, he too can be able to completely move on. If he's moved on already, I'm happy for him. If he's happy, I'm happy for him. All I can do now is pray for the best. :) I hope that in time, when he gets to think of me, I hope that he'll look back with no regrets of ever having me in his life. Because I'm pretty sure I have no regrets having him in mine. Of course we've had ups and downs a lot and the ending is quite ... I don't know but um ... I'm sure of it that I'm okay already. :)

Coz it's really sweet how my ex before this ex is okay with me and did eventually admit that he just couldn't make us work (with the distance and all). It's a cute thought how he told his mom wait - - -

So when his mom and I got to catch up (which was probably around the end of March) - she told me stories and all (grabe I say "and all" a lot of times HAHAHA) and how she still talks about me when she talks to her son. She even told him "Si Sarah ang saya saya na / Si Sarah may boyfriend na / Feeling ko sila na talaga" which is really sweet! Coming from the mom of my ex. And then her son says jokingly "Malay mo kami parin sa huli".

Now I'm telling you guys this because it makes me feel good that we're no longer bitter about each other or whatever that to even kid about the possibility of us in the future is okay. Gets? But really - I've got no more feelings for either exes. I just hope you guys get the point. HAHAHAHA.

So with regards to this blog, I've decided to keep all of my posts and not hide any of them. I know that for the past two years - I've got lovey dovey posts about my ex and the reason why I'm not deleting any is because - that's already done and over. I don't need to erase them. It's a part of my past that I or anyone who'll be with me in the future should learn to accept.

Photos on Facebook and all - I really have no plans on deleting our album or my profile pictures with him. I just don't see the point in doing so. If he asks me to take them down - maybe I could remove them. But I just don't see the essence of doing it. I mean I'm still proud of what we HAD and how we WERE before. And yeah. That's just about it. If I ever meet someone new or so and that new guy wants me to take them down - then that's no problem with me either. Anyhoo. Point is, I'm keeping everything.

Kasi back then - I changed my blog and deleted some pathetic entries etc etc. HAHAHA. But I'm okay now. With or without these public things with him or about him - I'll still feel the same.

I'm really just looking forward to the future. ♥ TEEHEE. And that's gonna be another blog post. HIHIHI.

Gotta go get ready for my movie date with Jeanellie.♥

Till my next post.

Ciao x 

PS, here's the link to my old blog!! HAHAHAHA. << this blog btw was previously "rangersoupy" hahahaha. but therunawaypotato's final na ♥

Wake Up, Little Princess♥

August sixteen twenty thirteen. Let's remember this day because it's ought to be memorable. I get up around eight twenty and just think about my life and some parts of it that are a bit dumb and seriously just unacceptably stupid and now - I am blogging.

I'm blogging these feelings/thoughts because I want this to be a huge slap on my face if ever my feelings shift back again - to being the dumb and stupid and just plain wtf me.

When a relationship is over - it's over. Get over it as soon as possible. I think that's how the game should be played. The one who moves on the faster - is probably the one who wins. But it's not really a game I know. But you get the point. Because you know what, if you're so slow at getting back on your feet and moving on ahead of the other party - all that's gonna be left of you is a sappy piece of shit looking so pathetic and just SERIOUSLY PATHETIC. Okay? So I'm telling you this, and I'm basing it on recent experience.

So you call him up and suddenly - the voice on the other line sounds completely different. But still - you don't put it down. Because you know that that was what you wanted. To hear his voice. And fuck please stop saying that "this is the last" or "last one" WTF - just get done with it! Just go and move on! No more "last" whatevers because face it - you never can tell when it is that you're finally over if you keep saying "last na talaga". Whatevs.

So yeah. You're on the phone. And then what. You say the most stupid thing ever just because that's what's bursting out of your system because that's what you've been feeling for days now. You say "I miss you" and then the asshole of a stranger on the other line says "May Milo kayo jan?" I just froze. I froze and really just realized how much of a piece of shit I was. I realized NOPE. I DON'T miss YOU. I actually just miss what "used to be" and I just really miss the "you" before "we" fucking ended.

Apparently, when the relationship is over - no more fucking three month rule. Move on - ASAP. The three month rule is used to what - give respect to the other party and courtesy to what you guys had. And that doesn't even just entail having someone new - it includes everything. Three months? Fuck that's TOO LONG. You're just gonna feel so sorry for yourself if you're still there - considering what he'll feel for every move you'd make and then he's there - not giving even the slightest damn about you or what you'd feel.

When it's over - it's over.

Stop thinking about what "was", okay? You guys are already over! And whatever it is that's been left behind - LEAVE IT THERE. And I mean EVERYTHING. Okay?

Just stop it and get over it.

And right now, I'm not even bitter. I'm just stating facts. All I actually feel right now is disgust for how I've acted and seriously regret what I did last night (I only regret what I did last night. Just that stupid phone call. But all the rest - I have no regrets.) And towards the other party - I feel nothing. It's seriously - that indifferent feeling already. It's like. Whatever he does with his life - I just don't care anymore. It'll be an "Oh okay." feeling when I hear something about him. If it's interesting or whatever - edi I'll be interested. But really. Really really. I'm just so glad I've got friends who can slap the shit out of me when things get too stupid to handle.

Anyhoo.

This day will be general clean up day for me because friends are coming over and my room is still a mess.

Kbye.

Ciao :) x

Just Moved In ♥

I'm so happy right now because I have just moved back into my room! Was probably a nomad for about a week or so because Mang Dolfo (our carpenter) worked on my room and it had to take days to have the paint dry up because I don't know how to explain why so let's stick to just because.

I've been so busy lately UGH and at the same time I've just been home.

I had a feverish week last week and so far - this week has been good to me. :)

Everytime I sleep though - I've been having really weird dreams and often just fail to do some research and figure out what they mean.

I have time to blog right now because I'm already done with the stuff I have to do and they're uploading nalang so~ YUP. I think I've got free time right now :)

Gosh I've just realized that I'm gonna be much more tamad right now because I have to get down from my bed first before having to go anywhere else .___. Could you imagine that extra effort I have to do everytime I'll need to get up from bed and try to have a productive day??? OMG - this has just occurred to me and I somewhat regret this and at the same time I don't because my room is so dope right now even though the decor and other shit and done yet but it's dope and awesome just because I already have a den and and my bed is up higher and - BASTA. Ang ganda. TEEHEE.

Anyhoo. I'll be posting photos of my room real soon! As soon as I'm done with it. That is. HAHAHA. Probably next week! After the 21st which is a holiday. Why after that? Because Tash and Nix are coming over that day to help me out :D I am so excited!!! :)

But for now. I'll be home and do some work here and on Friday I'll be out with my friends - yay! Movie plus cheap dinner plus a sure good time with them :) And then out on Saturday again for cc.

Krookroo.

K I think that's a good update for now :)

Ciao!! x

they say

it'll get easier - they say. you deserve better - they say. know your worth - they say. but i still have those days i feel worthless as shit

x