Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

I perfectly remember the day when I found out that my first love still hasn't ended things between him and the girl who practically ruined what we had. (now things are all good and we're really good friends coz that's not what I'm about to talk about. not my first love, no.) I was sitting with a huge bunch of other high school students. And I had to stay put coz my best friend's band was about to play on stage. She was the lead guitarist. Then they played the song Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now. I've always loved that song. And who would've thought that on that day, on that moment, when I was torn and broken and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep - their band's drummer was the one who'd make my heart beat again. lol

And that's looking back at how things were and how things have always seemed to be connected. Well, in my case, I often think that things always have their way on actually being - connected.

That was in first year high school. And though the drummer and I knew each other and used to be classmates in grade six - we only got to be really close friends in third year high school.

I love how the line in the song would say "And if this world runs out of lovers, we'll still have each other, nothing's gonna stop us - nothing's gonna stop us now"

Me and my ex's world used to be really small. Everytime my best friend's band were to have their band practice in the subdivision where I live, I would drop by on my way home and listen to one song. During those days - he was totally nothing to me. But I've often had the hots for drummers. But eh~ point is, he was just this band member I'd often just see playing the drums with my best friend. LOL.

So, my sister's wedding's on January 3 which is .. 6 days from today - and right now, well .. just this morning, she and her boyfriend got into a fight. I was having breakfast then (late breakfast. quite like brunch) and they went out to talk. I could hear my sister's voice and she sounded like she was holding back tears. It wasn't a big fight though. But I could tell she was really just getting stressed out with all the arrangements for their wedding. Anyways, she went inside and ran upstairs. And I thought - will he leave without them being okay? Then comes in again how me and my ex used to be.

No matter how late at night it was that we fought at home, he wouldn't leave unless the two of us were okay. He'd always tell me that he'd rather be home late than be home early without the two of us parting .. fine. And as time passed, it just broke my heart everytime he's learned to leave already without us being okay. My fault I think.

This morning too, I woke up hearing my brother talking to his girlfriend on the phone. Yes, they were fighting too.

And while eating cake for my breakfast desert, I thought .. these are the times when you'll see that being single is okay.

When you're single, you wont get into a fight with someone you love the most. But uhh - wait. Fighting's fine. It's healthy to have misunderstandings. Just not that often I guess. But that's the only downside I see when you're in a relationship. I dunno.

Anyways, I'm fine right now. And with the ex - though I still talk about him, when I think about him .. I totally feel nothing. So I do hope you understand me, reader. Heh heh. I just talk about him coz he's the only guy I've got memories with like those. And, my heart no longer skips beats or anything when he's in my mind. He's just - a memory. You know? Like .. I talk about him and all I talk about is how things WERE and not how things ARE. Get me, get me? And now .. who he is - I got no idea who he is. How he's doing - no idea. I sometimes wonder if he's happy. Like, genuinely happy out there. I sometimes wonder if he's happy with his love life as well - I hope he is ;) Non-sarcastic comment okay. :) Meh~ I still get paranoid at times - thinking someone's stalking me. *krukru* hahahaha.

I was able to survive 2010 being single. And I don't doubt I'm gonna do great in 2011 as well. :) But in 2010 - I liked a lotta guys - like - I had these random crushes, conversations and stuff and got all ~*kiligz*~ with some of em.. But you see - none of those were genuine. And when I say genuine - it's something that when the conversation's over, when being with the person's over - you get to smile about it and still have that same reaction in your tummy and all those happy feeling when you like someone. NONE. But there's this one dude ~ nevermind.

Sooooo~ I've been writing down things I'm going to do in 2011. A 365 thing. One thing a day. Shall post it when I'm done with it. I'm on 80 something.

And here's my proposition. Year 2011 - I shall stop searching for love and stop missing how being with someone used to feel like. :) Besides. Love happens when we least expect it. ;) I shall focus more on my studies, myself, my friends and my family. :) And how could I ever be loveless when I will always and forever be loved by my friends and family? And ofcourse, by God? ;) HEE :)

2011 - be awesome :* :)

Hi. I'm Sarah.

Hi .. my name is Sarah. I .. I'm a very random person. I'm a bit crazy and I often laugh even at the most non-funniest type of things even I don't know why. I like pasta. I love lasagna in particular. I like colorful things. I love seeing rainbows, fireworks, and full moons. I love it when it rains. Another good reason to stay in at home and just sleep or watch tv or eat cereals all day long. I often sound like a kid. But I'm at the same time one of the most serious people you could talk to about anything. I dance in the shower. And there's been a lot of times I've slipped and thanked God I'm still alive and my head aint bleeding or something. I enjoy ice creams and french fries with lots of ketchup. I claim that the sweet chili sauce at home is "my ketchup". I like kids as much as I hate cats. If they're fat - they're cute. If they aint - SCRAM. Get outta my sight. I curse. I don't like hearing mass. I'm picky with who'd give the homily/sermon. My favorite color's orange. My 2 favorite movies of all time are 50 First Dates and PS. I Love You. Most of my pictures have got wacky faces. I've got backne, pimples on my face, pick my nose, fart and take usual dumps. I smell good - I think and would love to believe so. I like my eyes and my eyelashes. I've got a neat set of teeth. I think it's creepy to sleep beside a sister who talks in her sleep.

I haven't watched a movie with a guy yet - just the two of us. But with a group, I have. I've just held one guy's hand in my whole life. Like .. genuinely. I've just kissed one guy in my whole life as well. I'm still a virgin and I'd be glad to keep it that way till I get married. I've only had one boyfriend. But has fallen in love twice. Same thing with getting my heart broken. Twice. I don't know when a guy's got the dibs on me. I don't like assuming things like those. I'd like to believe that my engagement in fourth year high school was real enough to stumble over a break up over a long distance call. I'm over my ex. And I've got good memories of him. I want to meet someone new. But whenever something comes up - I always do the same thing. I again, run away from it. Push em away and try my best to not be attractive or be fall-able.

I blog a lot. When I'm not busy. I take my studies seriously. But not in a way that I don't sleep just to study. I cram. I try my best not to fall asleep in class. I often wish it was legal to eat anything in class. Like lunch or even a hotdog sandwich would do for someone who hasn't had breakfast yet. I'm not fond of drinking milk. It's .. tasteless for me. I prefer it'd have sugar or be mixed with cereal. I wish multivitamins weren't as big as a third of my pinky. I wish they'd make syrups for adults aged 18 and above. Unfair for people who don't like taking in tablets. I eat a lot. I burp. But only with family or really close people. I prefer eating big burgers over thin crust pizzas and salads. I love street food. But I try my best to stop eating them since thay seriously aint healthy. I don't smoke. Friends have let me try it once - dint like it even a bit. I drink. But just for fun. I don't drink to get drunk or whatever. I think it's stupid coz it just takes you out of reality while you're drunk. Once you're sober - problem's back. I prefer sleeping over sad stuff or singing them off.

I pray. A lot. Silently or aloud. Don't worry. My aloud prayers are either required or as simple as "THANK YOU GOD!" coz I've found what I'm looking for. Me and God - we're tight. Super.

I stay up late. A lot. A lot, a lot. And it isn't healthy. Like right now, it's already 3:55am and I'm still up. I don't know. It's been a long time since I last woke up and had an awesome dream. My dreams are either creepy, gives me shivers, or too stupid or or not that significant at all. PS, I stay up late and get up early. I don't know why. But I love sleep. I sleep after breakfast. Then after lunch. Haha.

I used to wanna be a wedding planner. But uhh .. things changed. Now, I'm not quite sure what I wanna be. But I'm sure that it has something to deal with art.

If I were to sell myself - I think I'm very marketable. My skills, talent, looks, personality - I'm like the ideal girlfriend, friend, best friend, daughter, (sibling .. not so. Maybe to a sister - can be) .. I know how to compromise, I'm funny (at least for some - I am), I know how to listen - hours of blabbering wont be that hard to listen to, I'm sweet, I'm thoughtful, I'm - I dunno. Maybe you could try to get to know me. And of all these characteristics - I still wonder why I'm single, why when in relationships it is I who gets left behind. ( /wrist ) LOL. 

You see - all this information? They're what .. one percent of who I am. And I could blab all day about myself and how I know myself. But you see, this is just some stupid blog some people create to express themselves because the internet just takes it all in. Everything and anything you want to tell em. And you might be wondering what this post is all about .. it's a letter. A letter to my future someone. ;)

Where art thou, my dear? I suppose God still aint done with you. I wonder how perfect you must be for me. I .. I just wish He could be done with you much earlier though ; ) Because these are the times I miss having someone to talk to. The times I miss actually having just one guy to think of when I open my eyes and as I fall asleep. I miss having to call someone up. I miss having visits. I miss having random hugs. I miss having someone to eat out with. I miss having someone. I really do. I bet anyone would if they've once experienced their ideal relationship.

I want to meet you. ASAP! But if it aint anytime soon, it's fine with me ;) I suppose you're worth the wait ;) I could just imagine how we could spend rainy days together. How we could have long walks and not run out things to talk about. How .. we could talk about anything and everything under the sun but not really under the sun coz that'd be hot. How .. we could be silly together and not mind what people think. How the world would seem much more amazing when I've got you to explore it with. How .. destiny suddenly becomes much more believable because over billions of other earthlings in the world - I found you - you found me. How .. waking up the next day feels much more great and exciting because .. simply because you're an additional reason to live another day another second minute or hour~ How singing love songs feel now that I've got you in mind as I do. How .. random dancing in public is much more acceptable because .. you're enough reason to look silly about though at those times I must be dancing - you're not around. How .. everyday just gets better because we've got each other. How nothing seems that hard to handle because again - we've got each other - we'll make it. I mean .. nothing would ever seem that impossible anymore. Because .. meeting you .. was so unexpected that .. tipong .. ikaw .. tayo. Tayo nga naging posible e .. ibang bagay pa kaya? ;) How .. everything .. feels like magic. But not really .. coz magic ends .. magic's fake. But you know .. just like magic - it's as awesome as .. well. What we have would be TOO anything to be able to explain what it is. HEE

But to be honest .. I don't know how things'll be. All I know is .. not meeting you would be devastating. But I doubt that'd be possible ; ) I'll meet you. Soon ;) Maybe not now. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after that. But I will. I'm sure I will. Super duper sure ;) For now .. I'll work on being the best person I can be .. for myself. ;) For my family. For my friends. For God. (yihee. kinilig nanaman si God :"> HAHA) Then .. I guess it's up to you if you'll see my worth aaaand stuff like those. HEH HEH.

Please be patient with me. When you think I'm not okay .. go with your instincts. I AM not okay. Just stay there. Dance for me. Sing. Hug me. Feed me. Get me ice cream. Or take me to a movie. Put me to sleep. (I sound like some sick needy person =)) ) When I'm happy - I'm happy. When I want to be with you - I want to be with you. When I push you away - stay. When I sound childish - it's either I'm looking for attention or it's just in my nature.

When we finally meet - I'll have someone to hold hands with. I'll have someone to walk out of the cinemas and have someone to talk to about how the movie was. I'll have someone to talk to when hanging out with a group of friends who actually have their own pairs to talk to when the group convo goes to *krukru* mode. I'll have someone to call when it strikes 12 on New Year's eve. I'll have someone to call up when I simply feel lonely and want to have someone to talk to. Now that my sister's wedding is nearing .. I fear I'd turn much more into a rebel. Be much more on the laptop than I usually already am. I might not talk to my brothers even more - that's the downside. But the brighter side would be - I might talk to them since I'm about to lose my sister .. I think.

I'm not longing for a boyfriend because I got daddy issues coz I don't. Me and my dad are perfectly fine. We're tight. Me and my brothers .. well .. not so. The one I followed after - can be. But the eldest? WOOH. Not a chance. We - well I do - hate each other. It's like I love him coz I have to - loljk. I love my brothers. They just become impossible sometimes.

Going back to you - you I haven't met yet .. well ....

I'll be .. all that I can be - for you. I'll love you. And when I do - it's something quite hard to doubt or question even ;) And .. I wont break your heart. (I sound like a dude =)) ) I .. I really don't know. I just hope that .. when you arrive .. when I meet you .. there'll be no wrong time. No wrong love at the right time and no right love at the wrong time. Everything'll be perfect. And that's why I'm waiting and praying for the best of whoever you may be coz .. I'm scared. I'm fragile and and - I don't think another heartbreak's gonna do me or anyone for that matter any good at all.

All I'm saying is ... hope after you'd read this you'd already know what you're getting into. This is me from December 20, 2010 at exactly 4 something am - and I'll let you know if any of me has changed ;)

PS, if you're not up for any of these - of who I am - please do the honors of breaking my heart slowly. Because by the time I've let you read this - it must mean that I'm falling or something. LOL JUST KIDDING :))

Kthnxbye.

Edi ikaw na professional photographer.

I was seriously starting to like you. I found it challenging - to be in your class. To actually have to put up with how you like to jumble up simple things and make them seem complicated. How you want us to think before we speak. How you want us to mean what we do and love what we do and all about the future of what we wanna be and stuff. But you see, I don't think I would ever be fit to be a photographer if everyone would think the way you do.

It sort of bothered me the whole day - what you said - when you said "Sayang~"

Here's my serious and honest reaction.

WHAT THE F*CK ?

No, seriously. I LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY. I LOVE TAKING PICTURES. I ALWAYS HAVE. That's why I've been dying to get a DSLR and HOORAY, I finally got my own. God knows how passionate I am about anything and everything I do especially when it comes to art. And you tell me that it's SAYANG? SAYANG? SAYANG ANG ALIN, SIR? YUNG LITRATO KO KASI HINDI TAYO PAREHAS NG INTERPRETASYON? Bull~

Not just because MY message doesn't match up with YOUR understanding of my photograph it already means that my photo is SAYANG.

Yes, it affected me. And hey - you're the one who says I should give a damn about what people think. And what you said really pissed me off.

You don't say sayang just because what I did wasn't what you were expecting. You already liked my photograph. You said it was nice and shit. Then you ask me what my statement was. And just because it wasn't the statement you were expecting - you tell me it's sayang. WTH.

I do not take photographs merely to impress people. Impressing people with what I do is of the least I actually think about when I take pictures or even draw or paint or anything else. Impressing you guys is the last thing I think about when I publish or show things I've done. If I impressed you - HOORAY. THANK YOU. You being impressed would mean so much to me. And if it didn't impress you - fine with me. 

I take photos to express myself. Just the same with anything else I do. With writing and with drawing. I do not do these things to impress you. Impressing you or anyone else comes last. First, I do what I gotta do. Once I'm done - I'm gonna hope and pray you'd like it. You-being impressed with my work-would be an honor. And this message goes to anyone and everyone who gets to read this post.

I take photos because I wish to EXPRESS MYSELF. And I wont make up some silly explanation of a photograph I took just to impress you and it wont even come from the bottom of my heart (what I'd say). I mean, isn't that what photography is about? I mean, if it aint someone's passion or he aint driven to do something - don't blame him for taking bad photographs. I know you're there to teach us - but COME ON - please do the honors of TEACHING.

You wont teach us how the light should be, what angle should we shoot the subject and stuff. COME ON - if you badly don't think our photographs are shot the way you want them to be shot - PLEASE DO TEACH US - seriously.

You ask us why we dint like a photograph. You ask us why it didn't please us. And when we respond - you go ask us "Why? Just because it's not pretty for you it means it's panget already?" WEH, seryoso? Balik natin sayo yung mga sinasabi mo "Why? Just because MY statement wasn't what YOU thought it was - my photo's already sayang?" AWWWWWW. BOO HOO.

Anyways. By now you earthlings should get my point.