If people are interested, they'll ask. ;)

I was just thinking...it's funny how different things could always turn out to be. Everything sometimes ... seem so ironic.


I've got so much going on in my life right now. I mean - my life has damn been interesting. But I dunno. I just wonder - when is it gonna be interesting enough for people to care enough to ask?


I don't know why high school seems so far already. Bilang nalang sa kamay ko yung mga taong nakakausap ko from high school - and what's more surprising is that - hindi naman talaga sila yung super ka-close ko since before.


I mean - I've got groups pero - damn this is hard to explain. Well point is - it's true. That when people want to be in your life or be a part of your life - they'll make an effort to be in it.


That some things have just become labels. Kaya nga minsan mas maganda pa talaga yung wala nalang label. Is it my fault that I'm in Makati and they're in Taft? But that's not an excuse coz - I should really cut this shit already. It has totally become my unnecessary stress. It makes me sad and that's just it - it makes me sad. Plain sad. Parang - wala. Yung parang hopeless situation na siya? I mean - when I miss them, I let em know and shit pero daaaaamnfuck~ wala e? Ang cold ng dating? I doubt that this is because I've got a new set of friends. Actually, bago ko pa naman sila mameet I've been feeling this way na e. Na talagang kelangan magkita-kita kami para lang ma-feel mo na there's still something. I dunno. I never meant to compare stuff - but I'm just stating facts and really - ewan ko.


The other weird thing is that - mas updated pa yung best friend kong nasa ibang bansa bukod dun sa mga andito. I mean - we're all busy ...  but it's just sad when you've already run out of time for people who once meant so much to you. At least that's how I felt. I used to feel as though super importante ko. I know naman that I often made aya friends to hang out and shit - tas get no response. Who wouldn't get the fuck tired of doing that over and over. You start to give up - tas alam mo yun - for the love of friendship and pinagsamahan - you just end up being warm again and being sweet and approaching them - gets? It's .. ewan ko.


I ... should just go and watch a movie now.

Nah. Not yet? Or not ever? We'll see ; )

• You know you're in love when the happiness you feel can no longer be contained.
• You know you're in love when you stay the fuck up till morning just because you guys are still talking.
• You know you're in love when you just cannot stop smiling.
• You know you're in love when randomly smiling in public has become okay for you.
• You know you're in love when you think about a person the moment you wake up and just before you sleep and practically the whole day - that's when you've got it bad.
• You know you're in love when - you just know it yet can't explain why or how - you just are.

Apparently, I'm not in love. I just look like I am in love. I just seem like I'm in love. I somehow act like I'm in love. But in fact - I'm nowhere close to "in love". ;) Or am I? Nah. I don't think so. I aint even close to falling! But I am happy :) Very happy :)

Well - I've blogged about him already - previous post. And ... well, I don't know what else to say. Again, though it's a bit confusing coz he's so damn hard to read - I'd prefer not assuming anything at all than to get my hopes up on something that's nothing naman pala talaga. But you see ... he was different last night. <:D He was super cute and charming and I don't really know if he's already making his moves - but he was a bit weird so - hindi ko talaga alam. ;) :)))) Funny no? Pero grabe. Yung ngiti ko abot langit :> HAHAHAHAHA~

I .. I don't know. All I know is .. right now - sobrang saya ko that I just need to let it out. Kakagising ko palang ng umaga - super nakasmile na ko D: Ewan ko. But I admit that he's the reason why I'm super happy - but the weird thing talaga is - wala namang kahit ano pero stillllll~

HEHE. Grabe. I lack so much sleeeeeep~ summer na nga nagpupuyat parin ako D: :))))) Pero kseee~

Anyways. Imma watch a movie para antukin or something. DANG~ nasasanay na ko magtaglish sa blog :| D: :)))) SAHREE~

ANYWAYS. Bye for now :) Good morning, earthlings! <3

Rather a change of heart :)

Sometimes .. it doesn't matter if there's "something" or there isn't any at all. Because sometimes .. all that could ever matter is how happy you are. I mean .. right now .. I'm so happy. The type of happiness you feel wherein you'd want the whole world to know how happy you are? HEE HEE. Heck no, I'm not in love - no, not falling either. :)

I don't know what this is, even. It's so confusing that I no longer want to be confused by it and for once - after so long - I'm letting go. It's like ... hindi talaga mahalaga malaman kung ano ba yung meron - ang mahalaga lang talaga is - masaya ako. And another thing is, it's so simple. Super simple. And I'm not even doing anything wrong. I'm not able to hurt others naman - and I don't think this thing right now would upset anyone for that matter. Ang labo ko no? HEHE.

What I'm trying to say is - sobrang babaw nito kung tutuusin. Kase - wala naman talaga. I don't know if I like him in a different way - but I do like him in a way that - he makes me happy without him even knowing that he does. This time around - this guy is really funny. He cracks the shit out of me. Stress reliever - super. He's nakakatuwa and nakakatawa - but that's just it. Period. ; )

No signs of anything naman so - no reason to fall or whatsoever. And I doubt that I'd fall without anything clear or whatever.. but I'm really really really happy :)

I get to chat with him for hours - and in that 4 or 5 hours of talking to him - I cannot stop smiling. Seriously. Even now that I'm no longer talking to him - my smile's like - WHOA. Hahaha. I dunno. ;)

Maybe I'm also this happy because ... in my mind, I know that I'm not expecting for anything at all. It's like, everything's so casual. Isa pa, I'm in no rush to be with someone naman right now e.

For me, what I think and how I see it - he's not the type who'd court girls and stuff. Though I do think he's the type who'd be serious with relationships ... I just don't think that ... I dunno. Mahirap iexplain e. Isa pa - I don't need to analyze anything. Wala naman kelangan i-analyze e? Kse wala naman talaga. Pero yun nga.

Ang saya ko :) Sobra :)

Dati .. I could remember holding Justin's hand (ex) real tight ... close my eyes then pray aloud. I'd often tell God .. "Papa God ... please please please let him be THE ONE. If he's not the one ... PLEEEEASE :( Siya nalang. Please please please. Kasi I know na .. there is no one else I would ever want to spend the rest of my life with but him. I mean .. kung may ibang nakalaan para sakin .. PLEASE .. si Justin nalang :( Oo? Talaga? Thank you!"

And now .. I'm all like ... "Papa God .. sana siya :) Pag siya - THANK YOU! :* Pero .. pag hindi siya, edi hindi siya ;) Thank you padin ;)"

DIBA - ang laki ng pinagkaiba.

So yeaaah~ I'm happy. So happy. Super happy. Hope this doesn't fade or wear off though. ; )

GOODNIGHT, earthlings! :* Oh and .. wish us luck!:D My block and I anddddd - it's also his finals tomorrow:) Wish him luck too:D HEE HEE <3

:)

Kasi wala pang tatlong buwan :)

March has just begun, and looking back - I don't know how else I could let God know how grateful I am to have people like you :) A new year indeed ;)


January was awesome. So was my birthday :) I got to hang out with a new set of friends. Grabe. It's like Feb happened so fast.

 

Then we had a fieldtrip :) Went to the HABF in Clark, Pampanga :)

(Click the photo for a clearer view :) From left to right: Isah, Charmzz, jian, Pao, Sarah(AWESOME JUMP THERE), Stel, Ingrid, Arjoy, Alec, Sky, Yay, Meg, Anna L., Jodie, Aly, Luisa, Sassa, Ana Q., Monica (another really good jump :> HAHAHA. <3 u!), Ahndie, Maffi)

Monday the next week, we celebrated V-day :) Block date but not really coz we weren't that many. Sang shit out at Red Box. Then had dinner at Yellow Cab. It was fun ;)

Then, we had our shoots for our short film. We joined PAFF! Amazingly, we got into the finals and I swear that we no longer had to win. being a part of it was more than enough. And just the other day, we found out that we came in 5th :D We were the only second year students who joined. The rest were 3rd year students. We get the award for Best Actress though :) The feeling ... was so fulfilling! All the hard work was all soooooo well paid-off. The sleepless nights and stressful rendering and exporting - were all worth it. :) Will be uploading the video as soon as I figure out how to resize it tho.

(Isabel made this one :) HEE HEE, sweet <3)

Photographed By: Therese Ungson
Our movie poster :)

So .. that's just about it :) A whole lot more to come :> :-bd Hope I could blog more often though. Summer - I can't waiiiiiiit :D

Okay.

I blog not to be pitied. I blog not necessarily to be heard. I blog because .. I simply want to express myself and want to have something to look back at through time and know what happened and stuff. 


Tonight. Damn. Fuck. I don't even know if I'm gonna post this but maybe I should? I dunno. I suck when I'm sad. But I'm awesomely good at faking my happiness. LOL.


I could use smileys nonstop and you wouldn't notice if I mean it. It's not being plastic. Maybe sure - it's being fake. But that's just me not wanting to explain to you why I'm not okay.


I'm not okay. I'm not okay. And even if I'd try to tell myself that I am - I know that I'm not and nothing could change that right now.


I .. I'm sad. I want a hug. I want a lot of hugs. But no one's here to give me any. Me and my parents are not in good terms. I dunno. They currently have a problem with my attitude daw. Well I'm sorry, okay. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry na ang tagal ko na kayong di nakakausap and the times that we get to talk, I'm not in a good mood and I'm tired from school but sure that's never gonna be enough reason for you guys, right?


It's like .. everytime I badly need people - that's when they aint around. This is just so fucked up. I'm so tired of cheering myself up. So tired. I'm so tired na I always daan this shit through sleep. Through writing. ALWAYS.


Ayaw. Ayaw kong naglalabas ng sama ng loob sa friends. Dagdag burden. LOL. But I know that's what they're there for but - I dunno. When things got messed up with some high school friends, I've become far more choosy with the things I rant with whoever. Now - I barely rant. When I rant - I rant about the smallest crappy reasons. Nothing that big at all.


I don't like it when my mom ignores me. I don't like it when my dad doesn't hear me out.


FUCK THIS. What they hear is my manner of how I say stuff and NOT WHAT I'M ACTUALLY TRYING TO SAY. Damnit.


I still haven't had dinner yet and I don't feel like eating at all. I've been crying since I started ranting out here and I doubt that I'll stop till I fall asleep. Honestly - right now, right THIS moment - I don't know why I'm THIS upset. Fuckkkk~ I just am.


Oh well. Wont finish the movie anymore. Should sleep now. So I could leave extra early tomorrow para di ko maabutan pag-gising nila mama... shitngyannn~ lahat nalang tinakbuhan ko. Pati pamilya ko. WOW~ napaka-duwag. Nakakainis. ANO BA SARAH.


Oh well talaga. Good night. Maybe Imma make up for this post tomorrow. Actually - I don't know. Wish me luck tomorrow ; ) Good night, earthlings. Be happy.

Yan kasi.

Currently, my eyes already hurt like fuck. And - I think that my mom has just confiscated both of my phones. My Sun phone and my Globe. Great. Now that's just awesome.

I was at my friend's lolo's wake. And my two phones were on silent mode because they're both lowbatt already. So anyways, the only phone I put on buzzlightyear mode wherein it's on silent mode but it'd still vibrate - was my Sun phone. Globe kasi malapit na madeads so, yeah. It's on supersilent mode wherein I would really have no idea if someone texts of calls.

Anyways. Mama sounded serious over the phone. Telling me to get home already and that when I get home, I should put both my phones on top of their dresser. And I was like - "YOU'RE CONFISCATING MY PHONES??" Then she was like "Basta. You place both your phones on our dresser when you get home."

And I'm like - LOL. Parang, sige. Okay. Back in high school kasi it used to be a big deal whenever my phone was confiscated. It was somehow a matter of life and death for me. I even used to know where she'd keep my phone. Then, when I get home from school, I'd use it ng patago while she's not yet home then immediately put it back the way it was to where she hid it. HOHO~

Now - wala nalang sakin. Parang - okay. Edi mas di nila ko nacontact .__. :> HAHAHAHA~ oh wellll papspels. Kenot go to school without a phone. Heller~ pano kaya ako makikipagcommunicate. Pero fine.

I'm just wondering when it is she'll give em back. Anyhoohahee~ both phones are turned on and have security codes. So yeah. I just want to have messages to keep on coming. LOL.

PS, I do hope that she gives em back tomorrow and would just get mad at me instead. HEHE~

Okay. Gonna do my papers tomorrow ;) Good night, earthlings :)

On taking risks.

After listening to the song If It's Love by Train ... I realized a lot more stuff about me.

Even liking someone ... just the act of actually LIKING someone ... scares the hell out of me. And it's sad that even that shit does. I mean - what's so freaking scary about that?? WHATTT~

Then I thought .. yeah, things are taken one step at a time .. but if you'd really think about it .. liking leads to liking more. Liking more leads to falling. Falling leads to fucking falling in love. I think there's even such a thing as falling in like. And I know it sounds stupid - but hey, admit the fact that there are times you end up thinking "SHIT. I'm starting to like him/her." And fuck nooooo~ see. I'm a little paranoid bitch who's scared of having to admit that someone - the thought of certain people make her happy. What's far more scary is that when that number of people get to be overpowered by just one person. Now that's baaaaad. Reaaaaal baaaad. It perfectly shows and proves that you my love indeed like that person already. Say whatttttt~

But I doubt that I'm currently in that situation. I don't know what I feel. I just have to admit that right now - I'm so fucking scared.

:(

I'm a vulnerable little fuck. I can't like a guy seriously. Liking someone seriously means I'm already being open to chances of falling for him which cannot happen due to numerous reasons and I could state one right now - KASI.

Okay. Malabo ako kausap. Lagi naman e :(

Basta. It freaks me out. I don't like it when a guy I DON'T LIKE starts to make me happy. NOOOOO~

It's just .. so complicated. And to the level of how complicated it is - I have ended up with again - running. I swear. I've started to become so good at it. I fear that I'm gonna keep on running till there's some guy who'll run after me. Who'll notice that I'm just running coz I'm scared to death but can be tied down when rest assured that ... I can stop running. That this time .. it's okay to like him. This time, it's okay to fall. This time, it's okay to love again. But no. Me being scared scares guys off. So. Does this mean I'll be forever alone? :( </3

LOLOLOL. I don't knowwwwww~

Anyways. I have to do my paper now. And our logo. And so much more. At least right now, I'm loving what we're doing. YAY FOR STRESSFUL THINGS WE LOVE :3 But then - if doing these make me happy - where art thou stress? /:) HEE.

Okay. Just updating ; )