Okay.

I blog not to be pitied. I blog not necessarily to be heard. I blog because .. I simply want to express myself and want to have something to look back at through time and know what happened and stuff. 


Tonight. Damn. Fuck. I don't even know if I'm gonna post this but maybe I should? I dunno. I suck when I'm sad. But I'm awesomely good at faking my happiness. LOL.


I could use smileys nonstop and you wouldn't notice if I mean it. It's not being plastic. Maybe sure - it's being fake. But that's just me not wanting to explain to you why I'm not okay.


I'm not okay. I'm not okay. And even if I'd try to tell myself that I am - I know that I'm not and nothing could change that right now.


I .. I'm sad. I want a hug. I want a lot of hugs. But no one's here to give me any. Me and my parents are not in good terms. I dunno. They currently have a problem with my attitude daw. Well I'm sorry, okay. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry na ang tagal ko na kayong di nakakausap and the times that we get to talk, I'm not in a good mood and I'm tired from school but sure that's never gonna be enough reason for you guys, right?


It's like .. everytime I badly need people - that's when they aint around. This is just so fucked up. I'm so tired of cheering myself up. So tired. I'm so tired na I always daan this shit through sleep. Through writing. ALWAYS.


Ayaw. Ayaw kong naglalabas ng sama ng loob sa friends. Dagdag burden. LOL. But I know that's what they're there for but - I dunno. When things got messed up with some high school friends, I've become far more choosy with the things I rant with whoever. Now - I barely rant. When I rant - I rant about the smallest crappy reasons. Nothing that big at all.


I don't like it when my mom ignores me. I don't like it when my dad doesn't hear me out.


FUCK THIS. What they hear is my manner of how I say stuff and NOT WHAT I'M ACTUALLY TRYING TO SAY. Damnit.


I still haven't had dinner yet and I don't feel like eating at all. I've been crying since I started ranting out here and I doubt that I'll stop till I fall asleep. Honestly - right now, right THIS moment - I don't know why I'm THIS upset. Fuckkkk~ I just am.


Oh well. Wont finish the movie anymore. Should sleep now. So I could leave extra early tomorrow para di ko maabutan pag-gising nila mama... shitngyannn~ lahat nalang tinakbuhan ko. Pati pamilya ko. WOW~ napaka-duwag. Nakakainis. ANO BA SARAH.


Oh well talaga. Good night. Maybe Imma make up for this post tomorrow. Actually - I don't know. Wish me luck tomorrow ; ) Good night, earthlings. Be happy.