Doubting Forever ♥

Even when you shouldn't. Even when at all cases right now - it somewhat seems to you as though nothing else can ever last. And yes, even when you've just gotten through a breakup or are still in the process of getting over it.

I have decided to be mature enough to handle whatever situation it is I'm going through right now. And this is apparently on the way that I know of. But of course, I'm open to suggestions. Hihi.

I don't usually do this. When I first had to go through a breakup back in 2009, I totally shut myself out of social media in terms of not really blogging at all or haven't really blogged anything nice those days. When I re-read my blog posts before - I was probably the most pathetic girl there was. I pitied myself and found it stupid that I allowed myself to feel that miserable and question my self-worth just because a guy left me.

My previous blog post is probably the most negative blog post you'll ever get to read from this entire blog. That time I wrote that, I was as pissed off with myself as hell. I could just simply delete it or just keep it as a draft - but I want to keep my blog as is. I want people to know that what I share with you guys - I'm unpretentious. I'm not a completely open book though. All I'm saying is, that the things I share are things I hope could also help others out if ever they're probably going through the same shit or so. I don't know. But it's also of course my own record of thoughts I'm glad enough to share with the public.

How am I doing? I'm doing great. It's quite funny how it really is possible that feelings change in an instant. I should keep that as a reminder. Because mine did too. I mean, it's really hilarious how what happened recently was my very own "emotional calamity" HAHAHA. It was my very own "Bagyong Maring". So many feelings were "nasalanta" / washed away - in a somewhat drastic manner.

The "romantic feelings" I had left for this guy I loved so dearly was completely washed off the moment I saw his new relationship status on Facebook with his new girlfriend. At first it seemed like an awful joke and for days I found it nothing but "nakakagago / nakakaloko / nakakatawa / (sorry pero) - nakakas___". What I couldn't move on from was the thought of if he was even serious with all this. But after sometime - I believe he is.

Etcetera. Etcetera.

I don't really know if people are gonna find me the bitter ex girlfriend - but please. You guys don't even know the whole story so keep your judgements to yourselves.

(Gosh so many thoughts are cut off for the sake of respect for the ex UGHHHH)

I often wonder why my "amazing/close to perfect relationships" end abruptly. I really don't know why! Everytime I try to analyze the situation and think about it closely like where'd I ever gone wrong and all - I don't know. At least I know that in whatever relationships it is I've had in the past - I gave it my all. And that I'm proud of. I still don't know what my most recent ex boyfriend would feel years from now, but I'm hoping that he'll just grow up and eventually grow some balls and man up and admit where he's ever gone wrong. The problem with guys usually (and of course some girls too) is that they can't seem to accept the fact that they too have faults. Blah blah blah. Oh nevermind. I just really hope that in due time, he too can be able to completely move on. If he's moved on already, I'm happy for him. If he's happy, I'm happy for him. All I can do now is pray for the best. :) I hope that in time, when he gets to think of me, I hope that he'll look back with no regrets of ever having me in his life. Because I'm pretty sure I have no regrets having him in mine. Of course we've had ups and downs a lot and the ending is quite ... I don't know but um ... I'm sure of it that I'm okay already. :)

Coz it's really sweet how my ex before this ex is okay with me and did eventually admit that he just couldn't make us work (with the distance and all). It's a cute thought how he told his mom wait - - -

So when his mom and I got to catch up (which was probably around the end of March) - she told me stories and all (grabe I say "and all" a lot of times HAHAHA) and how she still talks about me when she talks to her son. She even told him "Si Sarah ang saya saya na / Si Sarah may boyfriend na / Feeling ko sila na talaga" which is really sweet! Coming from the mom of my ex. And then her son says jokingly "Malay mo kami parin sa huli".

Now I'm telling you guys this because it makes me feel good that we're no longer bitter about each other or whatever that to even kid about the possibility of us in the future is okay. Gets? But really - I've got no more feelings for either exes. I just hope you guys get the point. HAHAHAHA.

So with regards to this blog, I've decided to keep all of my posts and not hide any of them. I know that for the past two years - I've got lovey dovey posts about my ex and the reason why I'm not deleting any is because - that's already done and over. I don't need to erase them. It's a part of my past that I or anyone who'll be with me in the future should learn to accept.

Photos on Facebook and all - I really have no plans on deleting our album or my profile pictures with him. I just don't see the point in doing so. If he asks me to take them down - maybe I could remove them. But I just don't see the essence of doing it. I mean I'm still proud of what we HAD and how we WERE before. And yeah. That's just about it. If I ever meet someone new or so and that new guy wants me to take them down - then that's no problem with me either. Anyhoo. Point is, I'm keeping everything.

Kasi back then - I changed my blog and deleted some pathetic entries etc etc. HAHAHA. But I'm okay now. With or without these public things with him or about him - I'll still feel the same.

I'm really just looking forward to the future. ♥ TEEHEE. And that's gonna be another blog post. HIHIHI.

Gotta go get ready for my movie date with Jeanellie.♥

Till my next post.

Ciao x 

PS, here's the link to my old blog!! HAHAHAHA. << this blog btw was previously "rangersoupy" hahahaha. but therunawaypotato's final na ♥